Introduction
First I would like to start by saying that I am beyond joyful to finally have an outlet to vent about my daily experiences and to just finally release all of this internal rambling which plagues my cognitive process. I am so glad to have discovered this site because the Lord only knows how much i've been hiding. It's almost painful how much I have compiled. And to think i've been like this from a very early age. That's some amazing strength!
I was always the shy, quiet type. Almost anyone could bully me. I had a bully in almost every grade in elementary school and it was most likely due to my overly passionate and complacent demeanor. I was so nice to everyone and I still am. However, it is no where near the same extreme that it was when I was little. On top of being nice, I was very fragile, physically and mentally, I never liked fighting. So I never fought. Of course, that does not include the typical sibling/family fights but other than that I was a little angel. I did not want to hurt a fly kind of thing.
My entire life I sought to find a way to heal this painful shyness and regard for other's judgments but nothing really seemed to work. I thought maybe i'm anti-social but I always had friends (even though most/all of them flocked to me) and I loved talking to them and close relatives. Also, I never really was a violent person. So as I entered my teen years, I thought maybe I need a boyfriend to cure all of this. WRONG IDEA. The only person that can fix this problem is yourself. And that is why I am stuck in a five year relationship that I can not get out of. I believe that he is the only person that can keep me sane and happy. I also think I met him in a premature stage of my maturing process and stayed with him too long to really find myself. :(
This is very bad people. You should never feel like your happiness is in the hands of someone else. I am 22 and I am just learning this. I am just discovering myself as if I skipped this part during my teen years. As I learn from my mistakes along the way, I will teach you. And I am more than happy to accept your feedback because I like learning from others too. Were in this together.
