This Thing Called Life

At this present time I am at the highest height of my consciousness, the pinnacle of my grandeur, the crescendo of my intellectual ability. I thank God for giving me these cognitive abilities, thus I am not only able to think but analyze with great spectrum. I feel that my life has purpose and this is my philosophy: I am the owner of my destiny. No one can empower me but myself and no one can love me like myself. I have came to the the conclusion that this thing called life is easier than I thought. All it takes is sacrifice, a clear mind, a clean body, and constant flow of positive energy to attract only the best things in life. And of course a clean environment because like your mind, the storage of gunk is an unnecessary hindrance. For I am the one who has attracted all of the success whether big or small into my life. No one forced me to read what I read, no one forced me to watch what I watch, no one forced me to go where I go and love who I love. Which is why I study on my own time even when I'm not in school. I will forever love to learn and I thank God for that too. I vow to be a conduit for the positive flow of energy and I will share this wonderful journey with the world. Spreading peace and love and outliving my greatest desires. As well as educating and motivating people around the world. My life has purpose...

Thank You

The Challenges of being Mocha

I LOVE MY SKIN.

I love how it glows in the sun light. How it compliments every color I wear. How unique and exotic my tan looks in the summer. How radiant it looks in the winter. How it protects me from skin cancer. I love every inch of my skin and every hint of melanin in my cells that create ME.

I LOVE MY HAIR.

I love how it thick it is. How course it is. How long it is. How fast it grows. How strong it is. I love its dark hue and the hints of red hue that emerge with the help of the sun. I love how it protects me from lice and other invaders. I love my kinks and how it curls with out a distinct pattern. I love how it can transform from straight to kinky in one day. I love how my hair grows up towards the sun establishing my divine connection with God.  I love how my hair is historically related to the definition of 9 ether. I love its density and the fact that it can be drier than the Saharan desert. I love my AFRO. I love how people stare at it when I walk into a room. It reminds me that its the most unique on the planet.

I LOVE MY ANCESTORS.

I love how I am a descendant of the most powerful, intellectual and opulent human beings that have ever walked on this planet. I love my African brothers and sisters who have not only paved the way for my success but the success of Caucasians. I love mother Africa with her cornucopia of wealth and supply of rare goods. I love knowing that I am related to the people who built the pyramids of Giza or Tariq and his army of moors from Africa who conquered Spain in 711. I love El Hajj Malik Shabazz, Marcus Mosiah Garvey, Martin Luther King, John Henrik Clarke,  and the several others of our fathers who have made remarkable contributions to not only African history but world history.

SO WHY DO MY PEOPLE HATE ALL OF THIS.

Why are my people afraid of being their selves? How can people walk around saying they are the realest people on the planet but display themselves as the most fraudulent? Its the most confusing dichotomy. The least you can do is be true to your blackness. Having a fat ass or voluptuous breast or a ratchet hood personality does not make you true to your blackness. And if having that is all you have to show for yourself then honey, good luck with finding mr. right.

So why am I always accused of being fake? And why did my  75 year old grandmother make this VERY FALSE assumption about my natural hair:  "I bet you get a lot of those Africans boys trying to talk to you now, right?" My response was: "You want to know something grandma, in fact I don't. I wish I did! But I get quite the opposite! Since I've been natural I have been a magnet to the most non-black and mature men that I have ever seen in my entire life!" Why is that? Its a very dismal reality isn't it? We think we will be more accepted by the white man if we change ourselves when in fact we still aren't. We are so beautiful that they taught us to hate ourselves. And to think black men would complain about the black woman and her relics with the non-black man. 

Its all our fault. (And I'm only perceived as fake because those accusers  are not accustomed to the truth.) Call it brainwash and ignorance. And I love my grandmother, she has a lot of experiences to share but just because you are old does not make you free from ignorance. Remember ignorance truly is bliss. Maybe if we loved ourselves more, others will love us back and appreciate us more. Especially if it was passed down from our elders. Not saying that we need validation from others. Just saying that the acknowledgment of our natural beauty is the next step to making us stronger as a group. But I digress. I blame my nature. The fact that I've noticed that I rarely received attention from any other man than a black man the years before I started to wear my natural hair and all of our black men are in these music videos glorifying the European or the European-looking woman, disgusts me! We can't have both our men and our women hating themselves. And they complain when the majority of women they sought after are not natural. Its not called settling its called ATTRACTION. So don't get upset when i'd rather have a non-black man than deal with a confused man like yourself with your attractions. And I love black men but the mentality of this generations black men seems unrepairable. (Maybe thats why I date older men). And what makes it so obscure is that my ideal black man is difficult to find because his prejudices cause him to expect me to be like any other black women so he continues to date the superficial black women or he dates a non-black woman in which he shows off like a pendant of his success. And this cycle from both of us renders us both at fault.

So why so much self-hatred?

LACK OF EDUCATION.

The education and empowerment of our people is the most essential factor in our recovery. Look I'm only 22 and I know people in their 50's who don't even know what I know or preach what I preach. So that's all I have to say. 
P.S. The internet makes most things accessible nowadays. 

Last words: 
If you were not born that way then it is not you. 
"Let us remove the kinks from our mind and not our hair"- Marcus Garvey
I dont care who he is, if he does not accept you for who you are then he is not worth your time...

Love and Nature

Is love natural? If so, I then ask you this, Is love more natural than sex?

We are humans all driven by the desire to mate and procreate. So why do we stress over the fear of being single for the rest of our lives or living with out a partner who will provide this affection that we don't quite understand?

Yes, what distinguishes us from animals is that our ability to think is far more advanced than any other species on the planet.

So does that explain why we feel the need to have someone reciprocate a similar nurturing affection that we are supposed to receive from our parents?

No.

Love. Our oldest phenomenon. It can never be explained because it didn't start as natural. It is an advanced form of social construction transcribed into our DNA that allows us to conjure these emotions that we can not explain.

Over time, we have begun to try and make love more natural than sex. Hence, sex has become taboo in many advanced cultures because of the consequences that seemingly follow. That is why many conservatives believe that sex before marriage is unethical and generates promiscuity. When promiscuity is more likely the reason for our existence.

I am not agreeing that promiscuity should be acceptable because I do not practice it myself.

However, it should not be condemned the way it is.

Over time, humans have tried to coalesce love and sex but it only leaves us confused. And that is when lust comes in. Do I love this person or lust this person? Do I think about this person everyday because I love their personality and I love their soul or am I thinking about this person everyday because their personality makes me want to have sex with them.

Now they say you know you love someone unconditionally when you do things for the person that you would not normally do for anyone else.

Well I disagree. You're doing these things because you think you love this person but you're just infatuated. Unconditional love can only be found within the bond between mother-child, father child bonds or within any other kinship.

Intermingling with other clans is risky because you never know what to expect. Sometimes we have happy endings and most of the time we do not. In the new world relationships are not lasting longer than a week or even a day.

Most marriages fail because of financial greed and the stress that comes with raising children.

But think about it, is it possible to stare at a person and be genuinely satisfied for the rest of your life without wanting to strangle the #$@% out of them?

You get the point.

Every individual was uniquely created and brought into this world alone (not of course if you were a twin, but I digress). So why stress over the most unnatural things. Just live your life in your fruition.

The Paradoxical Demands of Men

Men what do you really want in a woman or a wife? Some of the qualities that you guys ask for contradict each other and then you complain about how difficult it is to find a wife or a real woman. You are confusing us. We are going to make mistakes for the rest our lives trying to live by your standards. Here's why:

One of the major reasons is that you say you want a good girl but you always chase the bad ones. Either you'll have the typical good girl and you'll cheat, take a break ask for an open relationship or leave her for a hood rat, hoe, or ratchet, conniving woman. No I am not saying this because I have any resentment because I do not. My opinions are based solely on observation. Do you really live your entire lives in such a confused state? It seems like you're never satisfied with only one girl. Quality over quantity. Most of you never get the memo.

Some of you say you like the chase but you want cooperation...umm what? Its either or. Whether we let you chase or cooperate I've noticed that were still not guaranteed in keeping you around. Whether we take care of you or not, whether we're submissive or not, we're still not guaranteed in keeping you around. So what is it?

Stop F***ing the game up! Lol 

If you are MY MAN....I OWN you!!!!

She's Bald, She's Bold, She's Beautiful...

For those who do not know of her, she goes by the names YoliBam, Yolisa Bam or Lebanandi. She is phenomenal! I love her and I am truly inspired by her! She is a South African-American music artist, author, and motivational speaker. Look up her Youtube channel.


Basically in this video she talks about how many black women fall into the category of being a "Bitch" by exhibiting controlling and domineering characteristics. She continues by saying that we as women need to accept that it is ok to be submissive. We need to let go of our fears of showing emotion because we are women and that's just how we are wired. Everyone knows that.


side note:

This video really spoke to me especially at this moment in my life where I am strive to find  a balance in my relationships, to establish myself and evaluate my interests. I can be extremely emotional and I don't take criticism very well but what can I say I am only human.


However, we have to stop carrying on baggage from relationship to relationship. This applies to men and women. Its just going to perpetuate a never-ending cycle. Just because someone screwed you over does not mean you have to harden up and be unfriendly, rude or controlling. Let your man be a man but find a balance.


I felt as if the video geared more towards the man's behalf and how he feels about these types of women. She defended them by saying that we women need to change our behaviors and attitudes towards our men but I believe that black men and women share an equal responsibility in the dysfunction of our relationships. Therefore, I responded by saying:


"I completely agree with you yet there are some men who expect that domineering disposition maybe because they were raised by a woman of that nature. Hence they equate that possessiveness with love and care. I know this because I have a boyfriend like this and as soon as he notices that I am being submissive or insensitive to his whereabouts he takes it as me losing interest or having interest in someone else. How can we explain this?"


Well, I just explained it. If the man is accustomed to being treated that way by his mother, spouse, girlfriend, grandmother, or any other significant woman in his life then he most likely will expect this same attitude from all women that he chooses to be with. Keep in mind they are just as mentally dysfunctional when it comes to relationships because its been passed down. I realized that they also equate this attitude with being strong and beautiful and even I was raised in that sense that being independent, snappy, defensive, and demeaning was to be strong. Hence my own mother was this way. But she's been single for almost 20 years so...I guess that did not work for her.


We need to start by slowly fixing these subtleties one step at a time so that they don't keep manifesting in the next generations to come. Together we will break the cycle!

Sex Idols and why they distort young women

The other day an evangelist preacher came on to the train and my first reaction was Lord is he going to do all of that shouting and telling people that they are going to hell? Surprisingly he was pretty good. So interesting that what he said resonated with me. Now it was nothing that I did not know about but it was his delivery that captured us. He was not trying to scare us and he did not seem schizophrenic. Instead he was telling us that God is forgiving and he understands your mistakes therefore its not too late. He said that the reason why most of us on the train were probably going to go home and have sex, smoke weed, drink or take any other type of drug, etc is because we are trying to find peace within those things. 

  What really caught my attention was when he talked about the media's influence. He spoke about how our women (black women) are selling their bodies to the media as video vixens to make a living for themselves. Thoughts of my past watching music videos automatically invaded my mind. I grew up on music videos because of my mother which is probably why I hate them now. I hate 106 & park and all of BET and MTV. I was so influenced by those videos its sad. I wanted those bodies, I wanted the attention from men, yea I wore those tight things when I was a teenager, and I relaxed my hair. I was to young to know any better and of course my parents didn't. What's even more disappointing is like many women my age, I've carried some of this into my adulthood. 

Back in those days women like Khia, Trina, Lil Kim, Mya and other sex symbols were our idols because there were and still are very few black women in the media, especially very few positive role models. And over time I watched as the music videos became increasingly raw and misogynistic. Remember BET uncut when they would show all those dirty videos at night and the irony of the gospel in the morning. How typical BET. Now they show these videos all throughout the day and just block all of the explicit words. American culture is now overtly sexual and very hard to escape if its all you've known. I will always be me but sometimes I fall weak to those hypnotizing beats in those degrading "young money" tracks. As much as I hate them for the distortion of the female, Its terribly hard to escape. 

     I also thought about how in high school me and my friends would talk about pole dancing. Even though we would never do it professionally, it just looked so amazing to us. We even wanted to take the classes. The video vixens and models in the videos looked hot doing it and we thought that's what men wanted. But I learned being sexy will get you a lot of things but it won't get you very far. Yea it'll get you a sex friend, maybe a temporary man or even a job but if you want to be married, you have to be more than just sexy honey. And i'm sure most of us want a stable boyfriend. FYI: men don't prefer to marry chicks that are known for being sex objects, symbols, or hoes. When I say hoes I mean women who continually make mistakes with the same types of men. These women usually have a lot of bodies by the age of 30 and then wonder why they're not married and men their age are going for younger girls. Like comedian Patrice Oneill said, Why have a hooptie when you can have a brand new benz!  Having that many bodies is not sexy. Maybe for men but not women. We gotta understand yea we are sexually independent but we can't do all the same things as men if we want to keep one. We live in a sexist patriarch. We have to play their game.

I know women like Rihanna, Beyonce, Kim Kardashian and even Nikki Minaj are the stereotypical beauties that we all subconsciously try to mimic but they are merely sex symbols. They're all for profit. They don't care about you. It doesn't matter how many charities they own. Its all for show. These people have evil intentions and just because it seems like they live a happy life, they are not fully satisfied. Look what happened to Lauren Hill. See were so brainwashed by this stuff that we probably can't even think otherwise. Look at Rihanna. She got her ass beat by the love of her life and now she's crying for him back. Kind of odd when she can have any man she wants with that body, that face, and that talent, even that MONEY, right? Just like the beautiful miss Evelin from Basketball wives or Kim Kardashian whose sex tape lead her to fame but ruined her chances of a lasting marriage forever. Poor girl :(. I'm sure no one wants to end up like these people so why do we admire them?

   I know a lot of women see that fake hair is acceptable among celebrities. Celebrities pay thousands of dollars for hair and stylists and sometimes it still doesn't look good. The average women doesn't spend much of anything on her hair and it rarely looks good. Now i'm not going to pretend like I've never wore a weave and i am completely against it because weaves when they are done correctly, are a great protective style and can look very good. So of course the will to have a more Eurocentric beauty and big ass and large breasts never really goes away.  It is embedded in our psyches and our men perpetuate it. That's why the media is so distorting. I can honestly say i'm fucked up in the head trying to find happiness now because of it. 

 He ended by saying we need to find peace within God. Since I've been on this spiritual journey that's what I have been trying to do. I know, I'm extremely deep sometimes but I just can not cease to think about how beautiful life is and its origin. This usually helps me detach myself from all of this polished sex culture. My self-esteem is much better because of this. We all need to accept the fact that we are only human. We can't all look like these people or be like them. We need to all find peace within our selves hence our souls are God's conduit, and the beauty will shine from the inside out.

Nice Guys Finish Last

   I've definitely had my share of weird men, corny, overly nice men, extremely sensitive and jealous men, players, thugs and criminals but these were just mere encounters. Throughout my life thus far i've only settled down with one person that I now realize is the closest to the perfect balance of sensitivity and aggression. Of course he's not perfect and no one is but I believe that this should be the prototype for all men. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a very nice, friendly and humbled person. However, I do not want my man/spouse to be this way. I can be unassertive at times therefore I can not handle my boyfriend being that way with me. Of course he has to be sweet and funny and not too obnoxious. Submissiveness, fear and extreme sensitivity on the other hand,  is weakness and for goodness sake, unattractive.

      My friends once asked why is it that you like these very opinionated men that most people do not like? I don't know but there is something very sexy about opinionated men. An opinionated man is a smart man. He's not afraid to participate, defend himself and assert himself. I'm an opinionated woman so I like the challenge. There is nothing like a good debate with a real man; makes them so interesting. 

As much as women do not want to admit that we need a man, we do. We need someone to protect us. Yea were much more independent and stronger than ever before but we still need that other half to complete our divine connection with God. So sorry nice guys, we love you but you finish last. Not saying I won't be friends with you because like I mentioned i'm very nice also and I love having friends. However, you will most likely not be boyfriend because the first thing I think about is how is the person intimately. I'm not advising you to be an ass hole but find that perfect balance and you'll rarely have a problem getting what you want. You don't have to look like this gentlemen here. Trust me I've dated some scumbag-looking people! lol. Hence the way you look on the outside is not always important to women. That's a MYTH. We love a good personality, you know some humor and intelligence. Looks are more important to you guys. Btw: I posted this picture of this handsome man but that does not mean i'm only attracted to men who look like this lol I've dated almost every type :).  If your a man and your sexy i'm attracted to you but don't get me wrong I love my black men.