Nakedness

I was on the bus yesterday and I saw these three shirtless boys and I asked myself: to what extent is the premise of indecent exposure? Why is it that the laws of civilization allows males to walk around shirtless while excluding females from this privilege? Why is common law so unjust to women in this manner? Now the answer is not as simple as you think it is. You may say well shirtless women may elicit sexual attention. But then I ask doesn't shirtless men do the same? You may reply well women lack the physical strength or sexual interest to rape a man in this manner. But that's only an excuse for our inability to obey moral code and control the un-contained, barbaric, sexual libido thus provoked by such stimuli in men. We must admit that our men are weak. Saying that a woman should not dress a certain way because your a man and you may want to do something with her only implies your lack of control of your own sexual behavioral thought patterns. Hence, naked women was not always sexually provocative. Early tribesman and clansmen, even the ones present today did not and do not wear much clothes and they do not deem this nakedness in women to be provocative. Now I know its their culture and things are different here. But think about the process of evolution that has made these things different and caused us to change our perspectives on dress code, sex, and mating. It is as far from nature as we can possibly get. And I know it may seem like I'm only stating the obvious but the thoughts and speculation of evolution and time is really what amazes me. And I want you all to think about the part we play in this world and how there are people living on this planet with completely opposing outlooks on life, happiness and overall welfare. Maybe we got it all wrong. Just maybe.

P.S. I'm not implying that we should all just walk around naked and free and I am not implying that I think its acceptable. It was just a thought that crossed my mind that I was willing to share. I am a very professional person and I do not condone inappropriate clothing at any costs.

Who Am I or Who I Am

A good teacher once taught me that people change every 5 years. And I became cognizant that Who I Was 5 years ago and Who I Am now are distinctively opposed to one another. And that change happens in fives. It doesn't matter what your catalyst is. Evolution is inevitable. And As humans we must admit that time is inevitable and that no progeny of the "breath of life" are deemed eternally immutable. A life subject to ennui or prosaic is almost impossible on the basis of subjective interpretation. Its just absurd. And this is what resonated with me the most. Let me explain...

I sometimes go into these pensive trance-like states about how much my life has changed as far as physical, mental and spiritual growth. And it amazes me how the present captivates us so much that we almost forget about the person we used to be and that the concept of time travel only exists as a mere thought. The only method of effective time travel would most likely be to have access to the spiritual realm. And most of us are not only reluctant to do that or believe in it, but we will never be able to do it in our life time. You see physically traveling in time is not only impossible without the spirit but also unfathomable. Its just as farfetched as saying that Man created the milky way. Thus you would have to truly believe such method existed. So all we have as rudimentary access to time traveling are memories best evoked by pictures and videos. And lets not forget artifacts like writing such as the documentation I am doing now. The best artifacts are recorded through these sources.

We are always endeavoring to improve ourselves. To make our lives more meaningful. Since we are ephemeral beings, we only have a very short time here on Earth. So how we want to spend it is under our discretion. But time is not what we have control over. The despair of getting old encounters us all as well as the question of what makes me truly happy? Or simply Who Am I? Now I know you're thinking, where is this heading? But you will know exactly where in a few seconds. All humans are fickle whether you believe it or not. Just take a look at the conservatives, aren't they just as mentally, evolving as liberals? That is because they come from the same breed. These conservatives change with time and of course the political mileau. The conservatives today should be called liberals because they are incomparable to the conservatives a century ago. They are way more lenient as to family structure and religious practice in conjunction with lifestyle. The true definition of a conservative is a person who wants to sustain (or conserve) the status quo. Therefore, they follow whatever the status quo is of the time and status quo never stays the same.

So who are you? You are a product of time and the climate that ubiquitously surrounds you. And whoever thinks that questioning your identity is a product of age is false because we will always question our identity. We will even question our identity on our death beds along with the question: did I truly live a fulfilling life? And it can be the most painful of all.

Personally, I question my identity all the time. Along with what is the true meaning of life? I took this philosophy class in college called The Meaning Of Life and I will never forget my Jewish professor telling us that he had troubles sleeping at night because he would stay up trying to answer this question. I find it amusing now because I currently struggle with that so I understand what he was going through. But the desperation to find this true meaning haunts us all. I thought we would find the answer to the question by the end of class but unfortunately we did not. Instead he left us to find our own interpretation. The point of the class was just to understand others'. So I remember sitting there upset about this failure and not doing so well on the final (lol). But now I am beyond grateful that i've taken that class because it was one of the few classes that has helped shaped my mental and spiritual growth and separate me from other laymen. Now I know layman sounds like a derogatory term but I interpret it as God's beloved children that still have yet to reach their full potential. Therefore, I am still somewhat considered a layman for I am still learning and I will never know everything. For God is the only omniscient entity.


Everything happens in fives?


Yes. I have come to the conclusion that it takes about five years to make a complete transformation. Thus meaning your cells, mind and spirit are constantly changing each day but your mind and spirit won't completely change until a five year period has passed. Now my philosophy is not backed by scientific reasoning. It is fundamentally supported by personal experience and logic. For example if you were in a five year relationship, according the intensity of the breakup, the stage of maturity you are in when it happens and other extraneous factors (i.e rebound relationship or sex) it can take either 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years for you to fully get over the person. And sometimes people walk into your life at the right times and can serve as pivotal catalysts. They may come during a period of personal exploration, financial hardship, religious speculation, confusion and others. What ever you are going through your subconscious mind will attract resolutions. And sometimes these can be resolutions in disguise. So be careful they can make matters worse. And remember that there is no way to escape bondage by having sex. Sex=You Are Bound to A Life of Bondage. Whether you use protection or not you are allowing yourself to be someone else's property. Especially as a woman with our emotions wired to every thing else. I am not innocent but I have learned that sex would either result in a pregnancy, an STD or years of mental bondage and confusion. There is no escape.

5 years ago I was docile, weak and mentally pre-mature. I did not have the same freedoms. I was trapped by the fear of competition. Despite all my success and accomplishments I still felt like I was not good enough and I was in a relationship that I felt like I could not survive with out. I spent almost everyday with my boyfriend and I cried every time I even thought he even looked at another girl. I was dangerously in love. Needless to say, I've come a long way. And I don't think I'll ever feel that way again.


So today I may be a Israelite-Christian. Next year I may be a Nomadic Explorer . The year after that I may even be Religious Minister. But I will always remember that I am constantly evolving and that its ok. Its going to be alright. Its only going to get me closer to finding the answer. Just as long as I believe in God.

The Psychosis of The Black Diaspora (Part 1)

When I was growing up, what separated me from most girls my age was my  profound desire to understand the unknown also known as my weirdness. You see i was the type of kid who was more interested in building robots and making bombs or going on a daily excursion to the museum of natural history just to gawk at the exhibits.  I've always tried to make sense of things. My mind was and still is like a super powered engined locomotive. I hypothesized results to all my biggest quanderies.  For instance, when it rained it meant that God was taking a shower or that being saved meant that God had you as a contact in his phone book. I had the answers to everything. Or at least I thought I did. But I was still naive. Being kept away from exploration, I felt imprisoned. I later realized I was imprisoned by the continuous psychosis of the black mind. Yes and I inherited it indeed. Imprisoned by a long history of fear, superstition, and sexual taboo.

This psychosis is a powerful one. One of the most powerful in human history along with the influence of Nazism. I'm sure you heard of the term "in the box". Well the African American mind is sealed within a small unshipped box in the ocean alongside some small unknown island. Do you agree? If you don't then I'm sorry my dear but you are still in the box. And it doesn't have to take years to get out but lots of strategical planning and research. There's a lot that goes into it. But when you are out, your spectrum of the world will be so overwhelmingly frightening it would almost seem super natural. You would start to dismiss anything you've ever feared before because you'll realize those are just minuscule illusions.

My family has never been the epitome of high moral standards but they were ready to judge others who were less than perfect. More or less different than themselves. We are the typical status quo of a working class African-American family. Matriarchs a muck. There was no telling that the head strong women in my family weren't going to be married one day. Thus they were the strong Renaissance women, hard-working and no one could tell them anything. I was raised to be that young women. But I always wondered why the women in my family were not married or were able to sustain decent relationships to say the least. A long loveless life devoid of a partner. And I came to the conclusion that that was a lifestyle that I did not want. So I was naturally gentler in communication. I wasn't your typical fiesty domineering, contemptuous black girl that everyone in my family portrayed and admired. I was always the good girl. So I was different and I've always felt incongruous to the family circle. But nevertheless, they are the reason why I've been able to maintain my demure yet my decorum. TO BE CONTINUED

When I walk into a room full of black people all I feel are their stares all I see are their stares and I can almost hear their thoughts. Not knowing what to expect whether it be a positive comment or a negative gesture all I think about is the difficulty to escape such judgement from not only my own people but the people who do not look like me. You see judgement from people who do not look like me is much greater especially when words are left unspoken. When  I speak I am freeing myself, freeing myself from all the possible criticism that lies in the hearts of these people who think all people that look like me represent a particular stereotype. Truth is, I was always that weird kid. I was square. Ask anyone who knows me. I used my education and accomplishments to not only decipher the invisible codes from our world but to enhance my drive for living. Hence without my intelligence and my accomplishments I would cease to exist. For I am alone. I wasn't the cool girl who got all the guys before. I wasn't the girl who had all the friends before. Now I am or in other words  becoming that person. My body was never a glamorized mechanism for social fulfillment. That stuff never interested me until now. Now I know that I can use my looks to fool people and fuck their minds. Because no one expects a pretty girl to be this smart.

I Know Who You Are

I know who you are and I do not fear you...
You are the person who gets their energy from innocent souls, tell them that you love them and rob them blind
You know the bible inside out
You know the truth but maintain you're existence from people who do not
Offering help but knowing you won't give it
Flaunting a lifestyle as a tactic to take advantage
Attempting to flatter me with all the languages you know
You are the unbitten fruit that tries to lure innocent spirits with deception and by selling an illusion
Deception is your power you are one of the darkest beasts of all
Positing that the bible is just a story while your people conquer the World
Claiming to be multi religious and agnostic but living a sinister lifestyle
Gazed and amazed at the serpent on the discovery channel
Robbing and exploiting the African people and their land
Yet boasting your philanthropy
Attempting to fool by saying your people are the holy people in the bible and are entitled to the holy land
Claiming to be of the same African descent like me
But portraying nothing but a charlatan and scoundrel
How can I love You
Trickery and Mind Fuckery will never last
But you asked for my heart and I'm afraid I gave it to you
I feel it's too late
I can't believe I've met some thing like you
But its definitely a lesson learned
I've allowed you to get under my skin and penetrate my soul
Now I can't get you out of my head
Please stop this torment
I bid my soul clean again