Who Am I or Who I Am

A good teacher once taught me that people change every 5 years. And I became cognizant that Who I Was 5 years ago and Who I Am now are distinctively opposed to one another. And that change happens in fives. It doesn't matter what your catalyst is. Evolution is inevitable. And As humans we must admit that time is inevitable and that no progeny of the "breath of life" are deemed eternally immutable. A life subject to ennui or prosaic is almost impossible on the basis of subjective interpretation. Its just absurd. And this is what resonated with me the most. Let me explain...

I sometimes go into these pensive trance-like states about how much my life has changed as far as physical, mental and spiritual growth. And it amazes me how the present captivates us so much that we almost forget about the person we used to be and that the concept of time travel only exists as a mere thought. The only method of effective time travel would most likely be to have access to the spiritual realm. And most of us are not only reluctant to do that or believe in it, but we will never be able to do it in our life time. You see physically traveling in time is not only impossible without the spirit but also unfathomable. Its just as farfetched as saying that Man created the milky way. Thus you would have to truly believe such method existed. So all we have as rudimentary access to time traveling are memories best evoked by pictures and videos. And lets not forget artifacts like writing such as the documentation I am doing now. The best artifacts are recorded through these sources.

We are always endeavoring to improve ourselves. To make our lives more meaningful. Since we are ephemeral beings, we only have a very short time here on Earth. So how we want to spend it is under our discretion. But time is not what we have control over. The despair of getting old encounters us all as well as the question of what makes me truly happy? Or simply Who Am I? Now I know you're thinking, where is this heading? But you will know exactly where in a few seconds. All humans are fickle whether you believe it or not. Just take a look at the conservatives, aren't they just as mentally, evolving as liberals? That is because they come from the same breed. These conservatives change with time and of course the political mileau. The conservatives today should be called liberals because they are incomparable to the conservatives a century ago. They are way more lenient as to family structure and religious practice in conjunction with lifestyle. The true definition of a conservative is a person who wants to sustain (or conserve) the status quo. Therefore, they follow whatever the status quo is of the time and status quo never stays the same.

So who are you? You are a product of time and the climate that ubiquitously surrounds you. And whoever thinks that questioning your identity is a product of age is false because we will always question our identity. We will even question our identity on our death beds along with the question: did I truly live a fulfilling life? And it can be the most painful of all.

Personally, I question my identity all the time. Along with what is the true meaning of life? I took this philosophy class in college called The Meaning Of Life and I will never forget my Jewish professor telling us that he had troubles sleeping at night because he would stay up trying to answer this question. I find it amusing now because I currently struggle with that so I understand what he was going through. But the desperation to find this true meaning haunts us all. I thought we would find the answer to the question by the end of class but unfortunately we did not. Instead he left us to find our own interpretation. The point of the class was just to understand others'. So I remember sitting there upset about this failure and not doing so well on the final (lol). But now I am beyond grateful that i've taken that class because it was one of the few classes that has helped shaped my mental and spiritual growth and separate me from other laymen. Now I know layman sounds like a derogatory term but I interpret it as God's beloved children that still have yet to reach their full potential. Therefore, I am still somewhat considered a layman for I am still learning and I will never know everything. For God is the only omniscient entity.


Everything happens in fives?


Yes. I have come to the conclusion that it takes about five years to make a complete transformation. Thus meaning your cells, mind and spirit are constantly changing each day but your mind and spirit won't completely change until a five year period has passed. Now my philosophy is not backed by scientific reasoning. It is fundamentally supported by personal experience and logic. For example if you were in a five year relationship, according the intensity of the breakup, the stage of maturity you are in when it happens and other extraneous factors (i.e rebound relationship or sex) it can take either 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years for you to fully get over the person. And sometimes people walk into your life at the right times and can serve as pivotal catalysts. They may come during a period of personal exploration, financial hardship, religious speculation, confusion and others. What ever you are going through your subconscious mind will attract resolutions. And sometimes these can be resolutions in disguise. So be careful they can make matters worse. And remember that there is no way to escape bondage by having sex. Sex=You Are Bound to A Life of Bondage. Whether you use protection or not you are allowing yourself to be someone else's property. Especially as a woman with our emotions wired to every thing else. I am not innocent but I have learned that sex would either result in a pregnancy, an STD or years of mental bondage and confusion. There is no escape.

5 years ago I was docile, weak and mentally pre-mature. I did not have the same freedoms. I was trapped by the fear of competition. Despite all my success and accomplishments I still felt like I was not good enough and I was in a relationship that I felt like I could not survive with out. I spent almost everyday with my boyfriend and I cried every time I even thought he even looked at another girl. I was dangerously in love. Needless to say, I've come a long way. And I don't think I'll ever feel that way again.


So today I may be a Israelite-Christian. Next year I may be a Nomadic Explorer . The year after that I may even be Religious Minister. But I will always remember that I am constantly evolving and that its ok. Its going to be alright. Its only going to get me closer to finding the answer. Just as long as I believe in God.